This can be a difficult subject, yet a common concern visitors to my site have is relationships. For example, a loved one has mental illness symptoms, but would not seek help or admit it. The relationship is strained. Or, communication between a mental illness sufferer and spouse is crippled from the pressures of dealing with an emotional disorder. Then there is the issue of “how do I know which is You and which is the Illness?”

“Support” Means Mutual Support

When we think of support, we default to the person managing a mental disorder as the one needing support. However, a relationship is a dynamic state. There are two persons involved, and both need support in a situation where emotional pain is prevalent. Supporting the patient encourages him or her to seek help and to stay on medication. Supporting the “caregiver” or significant other is especially important during the phasic manifestations of the highs (bipolar disorder) and the lows (depression or bipolar disorder) that are emotionally draining to the caregiver.

Seeking support is a way of validating our feelings

We accept that we can feel how we feel without being judged. Separating the person from the disorder helps the caregiver maintain perspective during trying times. Gaining this recognition involves actively educating yourself in how the illness manifests, then choosing coping methods for the particular situation.

For example, you may want to have a signal that you both understand to mean “onset of a symptom”, and agree on what you both can do when this happens. When a person is in midst of a crisis, it helps to have a gentle reminder that something needs to be done.

Establishing boundaries is healthy

When a patient encounters depression, the significant other may try to “cheer him/her up” and end up feeling helpless and frustrated if it did not work. This only makes the patient feel even worse. Rather than turning your back or cutting communication, allow the person to “be”. Let him or her know that you’ll be there if he or she needs to talk.

When you set boundaries and understand that it’s not your fault for “failing to cheer up” someone who is depressed, you will be less emotionally drained. Boundaries also prevent the person who is experiencing mania from feeling “intruded upon”, since senses are often heightened during this phase of bipolar disorder. There is nothing wrong or unusual in feeling angry, hurt, helpless, frustrated, grief, drained, sad, or scared. However, you can make choices with how you want to help yourself deal with those feelings.