Mental Illness and Abuse, Suicide, Introversion or Isolation

Talia commented about a woman’s experience with abuse at the hands of a mentally ill sibling, and asked a very good question: “how much sensitivity do the mentally ill deserve?” This and the original article from the abused woman hit home for me, because I know both sides. I have experienced depression, and the type of hurt that I can inflict or have inflicted on people around me when I was knee deep in it. As a small child, I have grown up with the wounds (mostly emotional and an occasional physical trauma like getting my fingers squeezed by a pair of pliers as punishment) of abuse from a mentally ill parent.

I believe that interacting with a mentally ill person requires not sensitivity but understanding of the behaviors that may come from that person in midst of an episode, and with an important caveat – one’s first obligation is the safety of oneself. If at any time you believe that your safety is threatened, your first obligation is to remove yourself physically and immediately from an abusive or dangerous environment. Unfortunately, it is nearly impossible for a child who is vulnerable to do this for himself or herself, which is why it requires adults to take action on the child’s behalf. I feel sad that Leah has gone through what she has gone through with her sister, and I’m outraged at Leah’s parents for allowing this to happen. My comment on the original post is here.

Tim‘s uncle Archie alluded to what Tim called, “the sadness at his center.” I thought this was a poetic description of depression. The biography speaks to Uncle Archie’s different antics and adventures more than his experience with depression, a testimony of how a person is never defined by depression alone.

Many years ago, Lorraine‘s good friend committed suicide. Lorraine said, “He was a friend to everyone. I wish he had been a friend to himself too.” Lorraine wrote this from the perspective of the loved ones of those who may be contemplating suicide. For her, this is not about interference, but compassion and potentially helping someone save his or her own life. Lorraine also contributed another article on a good exercise to do. I’ve actually read about this a long time ago in a study (I can’t remember if it’s a well-powered clinical study) and the results were intriguing. Please try it

Deb writes about taking comfort in online friends at the expense of local (“real life” or offline) friends. I can understand where she is coming from; in my professional circle, people view me as an extrovert since I seem to know many people. In reality, I’m very much the introvert. I need a lot of alone time, even when I’m still getting used to being with myself (some call meditation the art of being with oneself). I’ve always been this way, from the moment I remember being conscious. As long as you are content with the level and depth of relationships you have, that is what counts.

I do notice that I need to at least get some fresh air every day, and connect with at least someone “in real life” at least once a day. When I step outside even for a few minutes, or talk on the phone with someone, or talk with my husband, I feel like I was part of civilization that day and it feels good to me. If I were to use a plant analogy to describe my preference relating with people, I’d say that I’m a shady plant. I don’t need a lot of sun, and I make the best use of whatever sunlight I have to bloom. It is important to make a distinction between being introverted and being isolated. One is a naturally state of being, the other can become a dangerous state of mind.

Finally, Anthony shares his poignant story of visiting a grave and coming to terms with his family history.

This concludes Part 1 of this edition of the carnival. I will write Part 2 later this week. Please stay tuned.

Photo credit: Dying Daisy by Craig Jewell and Long Exit by Greg Olsen.