“Low-Grade” Depression - This Too, Shall Pass
I’m feeling the funk lately, like a storm cloud hovering just above my head. We’ve had some thunderstorms in California. Maybe my mood is mirroring the unpredictable weather - though I don’t think my mood’s linked with the weather.
I’ve had depression relapses, and I know how severe those can be. I’ve had one a few years ago, and I felt like I had an “emotional flu” for months. Although this is not a depression relapse, it’s like a mini-depression that lasts about a week, and starts with a low and heavy feeling in my heart. Physically, I feel fine, other than the low and heavy feeling in my heart.
When I get feelings like this, I know my mind is affected the most. My mind turns into a black hole: good feelings and joy and enthusiasm are sapped in and don’t come out. Other feelings I experience included frustration and irritation, followed by apathy. Even when good things were happening - seeing a butterfly resting on the balcony, watching a squirrel sauntering across our porch like it owned the place, and getting flowers from my husband - the joy were fleeting. For the most part, my mind repeated, “What’s the point?”
With years of observation and practice, I’ve come to recognize these symptoms, and I label this my “low-grade” depression. I could do my work and carry on as if nothing is happening, because the symptoms aren’t physical. I know I would be playing the waiting game, and sometimes this passes in a couple of days, sometimes after a week. But I know that no matter how long this time takes, it too, shall pass.
P.S. The butterfly is back and it made me smile 
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