One of the reasons why I enjoy TherapyDoc’s writings is because she tells stories that bring issues like depression and therapy at a human level. In Can You Cry Too Many Tears?, TherapyDoc begins by describing a tradition that is steeped in tears and the process of grieving in the Jewish culture. She then considers the delicate balance between crying as a natural and normal process, and crying continuously as a sign that someone needs help. Along the theme of grieving, Laura Young shares with permission an article titled “Grief Sucks” by Patrick Weiland, whose sister was murdered last August.

Deb Serani highlights a problem that may get bigger as more soldiers and deployed and may require psychiatric help for what they had endured in war. Her Denying What’s Real: Misdiagnosing for Profit looks at how governmental agencies are deliberately misdiagnosing soldiers who need help to save money.

Dr. Hal encourages us to (symbolic) plant daffodils when we see our life as a barren mountainside. He links to a post that references The Daffodil Garden in Running Springs, Southern California. This is a private garden planted by Gene and Dale Bauer, one daffodil at a time. I’ve read about this garden some years ago and wanted to visit especially when I live in Southern California, but I learned about it when daffodil season was over. Then I forgot about it. One day I’m going to visit The Daffodil Garden, in the meantime - I’m going to remember the lesson, and plant one daffodil at a time in life.

I received two entries that are related: one of self-confidence and the other on self-esteem. In one, Phil B. shares his personal list of how he increased his self confidence, covering topics from physical appearance to speaking to accomplishments to acceptance to gratitude. In another, Edith Yeung shares her Top 7 Ways to Boost Your Self Esteem. I’m going to comment further on the information presented in these articles in the following three paragraphs from the context of this website.

First, this information may be useful information for those whose depression is enhanced by the negative self-talk that came about through years of social conditioning. This information of course, does not preclude the necessity of treatment for depression or an illness that you have requiring medical treatment. On the other hand, part of treatment may require you to change the thoughts you accept and behaviors you exhibit. Those of you looking to implement these tips please remember: it takes time to “learn” new behavior, so be patient with yourself and don’t get discouraged if you “fall off the bandwagon” at the beginning. Just remember to get back on track when you realize you’re off track.

Second, I subscribe to the belief that “what you focus on, expands“. Therefore I do not recommend writing down your obstacles (#1 on Edith’s list), because this would get you focused on your obstacles and beget more obstacles even when your intention is to eliminate them. Instead of writing down obstacles, write out the goal or the end result you want to achieve, as Phil suggests from his list. Edith’s example of her mother not believing she could succeed was one that I can intimately relate to. Those of you familiar with - or dug deep enough through - my website will know that my relationship with my mother was contentious at best and mentally disturbing at worst. My turning point came when I tuned to a Dr. Laura radio show one day in my mid-twenties. A 40-something woman called the show because her alcoholic mother made her life miserable. Dr. Laura told this woman that she could never change her mother no matter how she tried to be a good little girl even into her forties, and that instead of focusing on how her mother continues to manipulate and emotionally abuse her, to start focusing on the people in her life who believed in her, supported her, and loved her for the person she is.

Finally, you don’t need to believe in what you’re saying when you implement #2 on Edith’s list (self talk; telling yourself positive things about yourself) at the beginning for this to work, provided that you also move your thoughts and actions to align with what you are telling yourself. For example, it took me years to finally and totally agree with my “I deserve good things” and “I’m great” self-talk, because in addition to retraining how I talk about myself (mostly in my mind), I was moving my thoughts and behaviors in congruence to that self-image. I believe that human beings need more than just talk for a new reality - we also need movement toward our desired reality. This means helping yourself with both thought movement and actions.

Thank you all for submitting your entries to this edition of my blog carnival. I appreciate the entries, and even though do not publish all submitted, I personally visit and read each submission. To submit an original article or personal story for the next edition, please use this link.

Until Next Time!

Image credit: Daffodil and Forest Path photographs by Tanya McConnell.