“Finding Lily” Looks at Effect of Suicide on Estranged Husband
Saturday, 15 April 2006
Finding Lily is Richard Clewes’ story of how his former wife’s suicide impacted him. Richard’s ex-wife suffered from bipolar disorder.
Clewes wrote the book – his debut – as a way to find peace in the aftermath of her death. I couldn’t find the book on Amazon, but it is available on Amazon.ca at this link, and you can read more at the book review at Globe and Mail.
No. 1 — June 21st, 2006 at 7:39 am
A friend of mine, Pam Churchill met Richard Clewes through a mutual friend, Heather. Pam bought his book for me, and reading it, I feel he has written my words and feelings. There is something so comforting about this post suicide journey spouses take, when you learn it is shared and that the feelings and the experiences are so parallel.
My husband of 27 years commiited suicide March 2, 2005. I learned that grief is physical pain and that pain doesn’t kill you although sometimes you really wish it would. My journey through this process has been one of personal growth and understanding, one of forgiveness for both my husband and myself. I have discovered how truly wonderful friends and family can be and I have been able to get past the anger, the feeling of betrayal and get to a place of peace. I loved my husband dearly but I too found the disease of depression sucked the life out of me, our marriage and everything that was once good and wonderful.
I would love to hear from Richard. I would love to meet him sometime and talk about this book, and our common experiences. It is a unique experience shared only by those who have lost a loved one to suicide, no other grief really compares, and it is insulting for those people who think they KNOW what this is like to imply such.
Sincerely, Katherine Hayward
519-473-1369
No. 2 — June 21st, 2006 at 8:15 am
Hi Katherine, Thank you for visiting this website and for sharing your story.
Not many people realize that psychological pain often translates into physical pain, and what you said about your personal experience with grief supports this.
I am glad to hear about your personal journey through this.
I wish you well!
Jane
No. 3 — July 14th, 2006 at 10:32 am
I recently read Richard’s book, Finding Lily, and was overwhelmed with sadness at the realization (? or maybe just thoughts about, ) of what Erin went through. I knew her, but did not know her very well, and had often wondered where she was and what she might have been doing. I knew that she had been running her store and always meant to re-connect with her. Sadly, I didn’t….and even more sadly, she is no longer here. I found the book to be haunting and tragic. I would have to say to Erin that I am sorry for your pain and struggle and to Richard….I am sorry for your loss.
Sincerely,
Suzy Kohlmeier