Misdiagnosis and Back: My Journey Through Depression
Prologue
I was misdiagnosed as having type 2 bipolar disorder sometime in February or March of 1998. These entries are excerpts from my journal, and documents the process of misdiagnosis, treatment, and correct diagnosis of depression.
Over time, as I look back at my experience and gain better understanding of the drugs and treatment side effects, I added notes that may help you gain perspective with my experience. If you are taking any of the medications I had taken and were wondering what was happening to you, I hope you didn’t have to wait years (like I did) before learning what was going on.
Original publication: 1998. Last Update: 2006.
Disclaimer
These are my personal experiences: as with all medications, side effects and positive effects differ from person to person. These are my interpretations of how I was feeling, and may not necessarily mean that I actually had the condition. For example, when I felt asthmatic, I may not actually be having an asthma attack; instead, I was feeling shortness of breath. Read more
Prozac (Fluoxetine) Does Not Prevent Relapse of Anorexia Nervosa
Prozac and generic fluoxetine has often been prescribed off-label for treating anorexia nervosa, and a recently JAMA-published in study of 93 discharged anorexic patients (having regained healthy weight) showed that Prozac made no difference in preventing relapse in these patients when compared with a sugar pill.
Antidepressants are often given to discharged anorexic patients to prevent relapse. This study showed that this common prescribing practice provided unsubstantiated benefit for these patients. The study authors suggested that therapy for these patients should focus on psychological and behavioral changes that had shown some modest effectiveness in preventing relapse.
Judging pain
Recently I validated and updated information on this site. The personal stories section seems to be most popular; “catching a darkness” has been one of my favorites. I learned of this site when the web became my source for mental health information in 1998.
The haunting images of bipolar disorder as captured by the Jessica’s brother is more telling of the suffering endured by patients than any amount of scientific papers. Some time ago, writings told of Jessica doing well. When I read the update this time, I learned that she had taken her own life in May 2003.
We can easily judge someone else’s pain and condemn someone taking “the cowardly way out”. Judging is easier when we have never experienced constant and perpetual psychological pain. Hell can sound like a welcome relief for someone living in this condition.
Living through a state of mental illness is an exercise in torture; sometimes we make it through the abyss, sometimes we break. Making it through is no guarantee that we won’t break at any time, for any reason. We buy our minutes and hope these turn to hours and weeks and months and years. For some, it is like punching a time card two or three times a day, with no forgiveness for missing a punch or showing up late.
I don’t know what makes one person give up in utter despair while another person hang on. I am no stranger to this darkness - the “utter” kind of despair - the kind that makes people step away from you ever-so-carefully.
I have learned to appreciate the courage to hang on and live.