Therapydoc writes about the fear of success. This was an eerie description how I used to feel:

…if your parents put you down, then you don’t think you’ve got what it takes to be someone. Having a gift at something doesn’t change your mind. Knowing you have certain strengths means nothing… If you’ve been abused then you might develop the fear that if you try to do something fabulous you’ll be PROVEN the idiot you think you are. You’re sure you’ll fail and everyone will KNOW you’re a loser as opposed to just guessing. From Therapydoc’s Tough Neighborhood- Fear of …

Therapydoc then describes what happens to some of the kids who live in an environment of constant put-downs that may be either emotional or physical (usually accompanied by violence). They become bullies and turn on the most vulnerable kids. These vulnerable kids are who the bullies are when the bullies are at home, being bullied by their parents.

These vulnerable kids learn not to draw attention to themselves, and when they become adults, they come to fear success, because it draws attention them. They self-sabotage to keep being invisible.

My question is, What’s a parent to do?

Parents whose children are vulnerable to bullies may want to do something to make the bullying stop, yet by acting, they draw additional attention to their children and adds fuel to the fire in the bullying cycle. But if they do not act, who knows how far some bullies will go, and what parents in their right mind would stand by and do nothing when their children are being tortured on a daily basis?

Do they talk to the bully child’s parents? That may be one approach, but I suspect that the bully child’s parents may often be the very reason why their kid has become a bully. These parents may very well be big bullies themselves, torturing their kid with emotional or physical abuse on a frequent basis.

I don’t know what the answer is, but I’d like to find out what you think may be solutions.

We’ve been hearing about soldiers suffering from mental health conditions (depression, PTSD) as a result of war deployment. This week’s Journal of American Medical Association (JAMA) published an article on the incidence of child abuse and neglect in families with enlisted soldiers who were deployed for combat.

Almost two thousand families of enlisted soldiers with at least 1 combat deployment between 2001-2004 were studied. Researchers found that the rate of neglecting children by soldier parents were higher during times of deployment (and therefore associated parental stress) than during times of non-deployment while the raet of physical child abuse was lower. On the other hand, the rate of mistreating children by female civilian spouses was four times as great (neglect) and twice as great (physical abuse) when their husbands were deployed. (more…)

Welcome to the July 4, 2007 edition of carnival of depression, bipolar disorder, and mental health journeys. Congratulations to those of you whose submissions were accepted to this edition - and thanks to the authors who took the time to submit an entry. Even though I may not be able to include all submissions to this edition, I appreciate your consideration and read each and every entry sent.

If you submit an article that summarizes studies or scientific research: Please include links to references and cite the actual studies so that readers who wish to look at the actual studies may read the original source. I tend to be very strict about citations and source references because 1) this helps me maintain integrity of health information shared on this website esp. given the HONcode accreditation, and 2) my scientific background has made me a stickler for going to original sources whenever possible to look at studies conducted and assumptions made.

I understood Barbara’s argument to teach forgiveness to parents instead of children so that children do not fall to the hands of abuse. However, reality is such that the very people who should learn forgiveness usually end up being the ones who need to be forgiven. In my personal experience, forgiving is letting go of a hatred that consumes and at the same time, letting go of self-loathing that came from “having something bad done to me” when I was a small child and unable to help myself. (more…)